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All About Coming Out

"How does my sister know she's a lesbian?"

My sister recently came out but isn’t involved with anyone. I keep wondering how she knows she’s a lesbian. Will I hurt her feelings by simply asking her that?

Before you talk to your sister about this, ask yourself, “How do I know that I’m straight?” You’re likely to answer, “I’ve always felt this way.” In other words, there probably wasn’t a point when a flashing light went off and you said, “I’m a heterosexual!” The same is true for many or most LGBT people; our sexual orientation or gender identity is simply an intrinsic part of who we are.

If you still choose to ask this question, frame it in a way that helps your sister know that you have some understanding of the situation—something like “I know that for me being straight is something I’ve always thought to be part of my nature; was it the same for you?” This is much less abrupt than “How do you know you’re gay?”

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Gay MannersConfused about coming out, dating, sex, and love? Find all the answers here - makes a great reference guide for you, and a great gift for the straight people in your life who need a little guidance.

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Ask Steven Petrow about Gay Manners